Limerick: Richard’s Beard

beard1Because it’s amusing, this limerick is geared
To discuss, in detail, Richard Armitage’s Beard.
It’s a point of contention
And so often mentioned
That to compose nothing in its honor would be weird!

 

 

 

beard2A beard is, of course, a matter of taste…
Some women love it, others back away in haste.
When I was younger
I had no beard-hunger
Then I met Hubby, and found my preference replaced.

 

 

 

 

beard3Certainly a beard can hide certain defects…
A weak chin, poor jaw line, or a wart that projects!
Some men, no doubt
Allow a beard to sprout
Because facial hair is such a manly effect.

 

 

beard4Well, we know that Armitage has nothing to hide…
He can show off his chin and his jaw line with pride!
His chiseled lips
Need no manips
As countless admirers will gladly testify.

 

beard5And yet, not every man can wear a beard well…
Sometimes it’s sparse, and that looks like hell!
For a beard to attract
It must in fact
Be full enough not to repel.

 

 

 

beard6An illustration of this, I’m sorry to say
Was the look that we saw when he portrayed Monet.
I thought that wisp
Was a fashion miss
And the chatter must have ruined Richard’s day.

 

beard7That being said, it’s also a fact
That excessively bushy does not attract!
A beard should be shaped
Not to look like an ape
Too much can also detract.

 

 

 


beard8For me, Thorin’s beard does not cross that line…

Though some of the dwarves are too bushy to be fine!
Thorin’s beard is quite full
But it doesn’t read as wool
So most agree when his hotness is opined.

 

beard9Richard is blessed with the ability to grow
A beard in a hurry, as many photos show.
I have to admit
That along with his lips
I love the soul patch that sits just below.

 

 

beard10When Richard expressed the desire to disguise
Proctor’s “weirdbeird” I was surprised
I personally thought
That facial thatch was hot…
And to cover-up with bacon was unwise!

 

 

 

beard11I knew the suggestions that Richard desired
Were a funny diversion, but it was not required!
Proctor’s beard was a work of art
For a Puritan man, he looked stylish and smart!
(Though I eagerly await the photo shoot that transpired.)

 

beard12We haven’t seen much of Dr. Scott White…
Though the selfie from Sleepwalker was quite a sight!
I’m pretty certain
That when they lift the curtain
My desires for the good doctor will ignite!
 

 

 

 

beard13It’s always fun to see what is next…
Will the beard stay or go- the fandom’s obsessed!
When Sleepwalker wrapped
Many admirers clapped
For it appeared that the beard had regressed.

 

beard14Then came a new selfie that seemed to imply:
The beard would be back… the question is why!
Does he just like to tease?
Does wearing a beard now please?
Or does he have a bearded role on standby?

 

 

 

beard15Since I have composed this ode to RA’s facial hair…
One might conclude that I really care!
But that isn’t true
I like him clean-shaven too
In fact, every look he sports causes me to stare!

 

glove beardI contributed to #OneBeardToBringThemAll myself…
@RichardsBeard was on Twitter longer than Richard himself!
Objectively the topic
Is borderline neurotic
But it seems our Beard Speculations are impossible to shelf.

 

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Limerick: Incredible Hashtags

It’s been a little over 2 months, and more than 200 tweets
Some of them funny, some serious, some sweet
“Guess what day it is today?”
Eyes widened as we shouted “Armitage? No Way!”
Reverberations worldwide as fans fell from their seats!

He called for “a table for 9000, then” after dropping his bomb
How many joined Twitter, myself included? (#facepalm)
It might have been fake
This request for bigger cake
But the prospect made it impossible to Keep Calm!

I particularly loved that early Twitter tease:
“I’ll tweet again next year” caused me to freeze!
Then came #onlyjoking
That RA’s so provoking!
But his hashtags are quite the bee’s knees.

His retweets were enlightening- he’s an actual dork!
(This was later confirmed when he selfied with pork.)
My shudder was involuntary
When he shared “Proctor’s Apothecary”
With a green concoction I’d hate to uncork.

Soon Richard Armitage revealed a contest he’d hatched:
To disguise his “Proctarian1692SalemiteFacialThatch”
His #periodweirdbeard needed our help
That #chinrugdesignidea made everyone yelp
And pork-free alternatives were promptly dispatched!

Richard’s next competition was really neat too:
“What Not to Wear 1692”
(With Digital Theater in the house
He didn’t want anyone dressed like a louse)
More Armitage humor was shining through!

He Approved Not of shopping on The Crucible front row
And joked Mamma Mia would be his next show
Apologized to Kristin as he confessed
#Therebeenafarmerinere, made a dressing room mess
(It looked more like a rock band than any farmer I know!)

One week after John Proctor took his final bow
Bearded ladies tweeted selfies (and caused quite a row)
Richard responded with a beard cartoon
#Youknowwhatimsayin his response to buffoons
(Actually, Richard, we don’t… but it was funny anyhow!)

Right after that came scatological humor galore:
Thorin #takingaloadoff #nobathroomprivacyinerebor
Some Dwarvish Tourette’s
(Maybe battle cries or threats?)
Puzzled even Tolkien experts, forevermore.

For his Sleepwalker project a dark figure loomed
His form in the firelight an unmistakable boon
Richard responded #Hehasathirdleg!
Then tweeted a selfie after enough admirers begged
It stole my breath and my whole day was consumed.

I think the next gambit was the big reveal:
Hobbit posters “fake” caused everyone to reel!
#Vegetablewarriors, Richard insisted
His “Elf Alpha” joke could not be resisted
(These sleep-deprived tweets are unreal.)

One shocking tweet certainly startled us all…
“Bomber is hungry…and Horny!!!” I recall
At first it made no sense
Then came Bombur’s horn so immense
Richard’s humor is so off-the-wall!

He delivers on Twitter and he’s such a scamp!
His comments and tweets have his own unique stamp
I hope to see more
He’s never a bore
Who’d have guessed @RCArmitage would be Hashtag Champ?

Limerick: The Twittergate Beard Scandal

On Saturday September 20th, 2014
A few bearded ladies caused quite a scene
The idea was kooky
But was it really spooky?
They tweeted pics some thought were obscene.

Using one hashtag, unaware they’d appall
The ladies tweeted #OneBeardToBringThemAll
Beards of every description
Caused such a conniption
An eruption of venom and gall!

“Disrespectful!” “Unladylike!” “Rude awful spam!”
Was sent to the man who donned his own beard of ham.
“He’ll hate it!” “He’ll leave us!” “Richard is scared!”
Some interpreted a demand that his chin be not haired!
Shame on bearded ladies, they all should be damned!

Mea culpa! I’m guilty! I donned a beard or two…
I took part and found myself right in the stew!
Though my kids were quite tickled
I find myself in a pickle
Having to bid my status as a “lady” adieu.

What I don’t understand, is Richard’s response
How could he treat such effrontery with nonchalance?
He should have ignored it
Or shouted “How horrid!”
That would have served, for the nonce!

Instead, that dreadfully put upon man
Tweeted a cartoon to the well wishers who should have been banned!
#YouKnowWhatImSayin was his remark
And those who were angry were sure it was dark
After all, he’s constantly dissing his fans.

Yes, he’s harsh with admirers, all those letters he wrote
The Stage Door, the autographs, despite the hoarse throat!
He didn’t mean it when he suggested the AA wear beards
Anyone who thinks so must just be weird!
The chance that he enjoys jokes, is all too remote.

No, he was enraged as he retweeted being called a dork
He can’t ever stand beard jokes, nevermind the pork
Not a chance he’d find humor
That’s just a rumor
No, RA was clearly quite torqued.

I think that someone should take down some names
And flag this monstrosity, send them down in flames!
Poor Richard Armitage, besieged all day with tweets
(He hasn’t the common sense to silence notification beeps)
And nobody, ever, should engage in these games.

To think these things funny, when they clearly broke rules
Why, someone must chastise these bearded lady fools!
Luckily for everyone so shamefully caught
Tweeting beard pics to Richard will be rightfully taught
There’s decorum to be followed, that’s why fandoms have schools!

If anyone reading this can’t tell a spoof
Or the satirical tone was not enough proof:
I loved Saturday and I thought it was fun
I assume Richard is NOT on the run
Let me assure you, I’m playing the goof! =)

One Beard To Divide Them All?

Was Saturday afternoon’s #OneBeardToBringThemAll Twitter campaign goofy, or what? I’m still finding myself chuckling about it. It was definitely one of the dorkiest things I’ve done in a while. What fascinates me is the uproar it’s caused. People are just so ashamed of the participants.

I’ve seen everything from well wishers fearing Richard Armitage would take down his twitter account, to labeling the event as “spam” and “mass hysteria”, to an interpretation that the cartoon he tweeted was a statement “that (a) this joke is over and (b) there were no ladies present.” So should I feel bad about myself? I did, after all, shamelessly tweet a couple of bearded pics his way. Makes me wonder if I should write a long letter of culpability with effusive apologies to Richard.

No, I think not.

If I ever decide it’s ok to tweet him pictures of my cleavage, myself licking one of his photos, mooning him… well, then I will write that letter and promptly shoot myself. As it is, I think I’ll let the veiled insults roll off my back. To each her own. Some are wackier than others. I’ll not presume to label a non-bearded lady.

Well, That Was Awkward

I haven’t decided whether I’ll post a #‎OneBeardToBringThemAll pic, but I thought I’d gather a couple of supplies that were easily at hand at the clinic today, just in case. I then retreated to my office to play with my beard design, confident that everyone was occupied up front. I sutured together my beard and tried it on, then pulled out the cell phone to check it out via selfie. Right about then, in walked my surgery tech.

“Well, that’s attractive,” she says, deadpan.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Damn it, Richard. lol