Because it’s amusing, this limerick is geared
To discuss, in detail, Richard Armitage’s Beard.
It’s a point of contention
And so often mentioned
That to compose nothing in its honor would be weird!

 

 

 

A beard is, of course, a matter of taste…
Some women love it, others back away in haste.
When I was younger
I had no beard-hunger
Then I met Hubby, and found my preference replaced.

 

 

 

 

Certainly a beard can hide certain defects…
A weak chin, poor jaw line, or a wart that projects!
Some men, no doubt
Allow a beard to sprout
Because facial hair is such a manly effect.

 

 

Well, we know that Armitage has nothing to hide…
He can show off his chin and his jaw line with pride!
His chiseled lips
Need no manips
As countless admirers will gladly testify.

 

And yet, not every man can wear a beard well…
Sometimes it’s sparse, and that looks like hell!
For a beard to attract
It must in fact
Be full enough not to repel.

 

 

 

An illustration of this, I’m sorry to say
Was the look that we saw when he portrayed Monet.
I thought that wisp
Was a fashion miss
And the chatter must have ruined Richard’s day.

 

That being said, it’s also a fact
That excessively bushy does not attract!
A beard should be shaped
Not to look like an ape
Too much can also detract.

 

 

 

For me, Thorin’s beard does not cross that line…
Though some of the dwarves are too bushy to be fine!
Thorin’s beard is quite full
But it doesn’t read as wool
So most agree when his hotness is opined.

 

Richard is blessed with the ability to grow
A beard in a hurry, as many photos show.
I have to admit
That along with his lips
I love the soul patch that sits just below.

 

 

When Richard expressed the desire to disguise
Proctor’s “weirdbeird” I was surprised
I personally thought
That facial thatch was hot…
And to cover-up with bacon was unwise!

 

 

 

I knew the suggestions that Richard desired
Were a funny diversion, but it was not required!
Proctor’s beard was a work of art
For a Puritan man, he looked stylish and smart!
(Though I eagerly await the photo shoot that transpired.)

 

We haven’t seen much of Dr. Scott White…
Though the selfie from Sleepwalker was quite a sight!
I’m pretty certain
That when they lift the curtain
My desires for the good doctor will ignite!
 

 

 

 

It’s always fun to see what is next…
Will the beard stay or go- the fandom’s obsessed!
When Sleepwalker wrapped
Many admirers clapped
For it appeared that the beard had regressed.

 

Then came a new selfie that seemed to imply:
The beard would be back… the question is why!
Does he just like to tease?
Does wearing a beard now please?
Or does he have a bearded role on standby?

 

 

 

Since I have composed this ode to RA’s facial hair…
One might conclude that I really care!
But that isn’t true
I like him clean-shaven too
In fact, every look he sports causes me to stare!

 

I contributed to #OneBeardToBringThemAll myself…
@RichardsBeard was on Twitter longer than Richard himself!
Objectively the topic
Is borderline neurotic
But it seems our Beard Speculations are impossible to shelf.