Limerick: Armitage Eyes

0dc986e815da37aa2ed332d75b37142bSeated at my desk with a tall stack of charts…
I can’t face catching up, I don’t have the heart.
I know the day this stack began:
The blame belongs to a particular man!
It was October 9 when my chart count did start.

 

 

B0GAZPxCYAEWKPiRichard Armitage on Twitter distracts every time…
But on that particular day, his tweet was sublime.
He planned a surprise
A selfie, with eyes
So distRActing, it was actually a crime!

 

 

 

 

IMG_303485126580042Yes, I need to catch up, I’m a month behind…
But I find that Armitage is always on my mind.
Preoccupied each day
I can’t look away
If I weren’t my own boss, a pink slip I’d find!

 

 

 

1163f321756786328c6c224f3bc86f4dBut really, Richard Armitage, I can’t help myself…
Your ears just remind me of the sexiest elf
Then there’s your mouth
And everything south
I can’t choose your best feature from such wealth!

 

 

 

 

EyesThat being said, if I had no choice but to choose…
I’d have to decide on those baby blues.
Even before I fell
Into this preoccupied spell
Richard’s eyes had me truly enthused.

 

 

 

 

imagesDE55D5IMThat was way back, when Thorin walked through the door…
He arrived at Bag End ready to settle an old score.
I was at the local theatre
With my eyes on the leader
And a whole new outlook on the dwarves of Tolkien lore!

 

Richard Armitage London StudiosI suppose it’s as well that I didn’t pursue…
At the time I couldn’t afford to bid normalcy adieu!
It would be over 2 years
Before I kicked into gear
John Thornton made me join the queue.

 

 

 

 

thorntoneyes1I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…
He had me at “Stephens”- it still makes me grin!
But as a first time beholder
Yet to see John’s eyes smolder
I’d no idea the trouble I was in!

 

 

 

sadeyes1Such expressions those eyes at different moments convey…
Be it outrage, arrogance, or wistful dismay.
As my viewing progressed
I couldn’t help but be impressed
At the volumes Those Eyes Alone can say!

 

 

glamorguySometimes what kills me is that “Come Hither” look…
Gisborne’s eyes only, no finger need be crooked!
I’d be a goner
If he’d do me the honor
It’s no mystery why I’ve become hooked!

 

 

 

proctor2When I saw him live in London at The Old Vic…
The fire in John’s eyes caused my heart to kick.
The intensity of his stare
Had my heart snared
In a way that can’t be explained in a pic.

 

 

 

 

IMG_0739reMy new friend Irache, from The Crucible Stage Door
Managed to get a shot that I love all the more.
It’s nothing but eyes
But it’s a hell of a prize
When we first saw it, we practically yelled “Score!”

 

 

Thorin2As if all of this wasn’t sufficient to distract…
A heartbreak is coming, that’s just a fact.
We’ll all follow Thorin one last time
Profoundly painful, and yet sublime
Grappling with these images that both sadden, and attract.

 

 

 

esquire1So back to the charts… I’m afraid they must wait…
Until my equilibrium returns to steady state.
Armitage Eyes have struck again
I’m beginning to wonder if or when
Their hold on me will begin to abate.

Limerick: The Twittergate Beard Scandal

On Saturday September 20th, 2014
A few bearded ladies caused quite a scene
The idea was kooky
But was it really spooky?
They tweeted pics some thought were obscene.

Using one hashtag, unaware they’d appall
The ladies tweeted #OneBeardToBringThemAll
Beards of every description
Caused such a conniption
An eruption of venom and gall!

“Disrespectful!” “Unladylike!” “Rude awful spam!”
Was sent to the man who donned his own beard of ham.
“He’ll hate it!” “He’ll leave us!” “Richard is scared!”
Some interpreted a demand that his chin be not haired!
Shame on bearded ladies, they all should be damned!

Mea culpa! I’m guilty! I donned a beard or two…
I took part and found myself right in the stew!
Though my kids were quite tickled
I find myself in a pickle
Having to bid my status as a “lady” adieu.

What I don’t understand, is Richard’s response
How could he treat such effrontery with nonchalance?
He should have ignored it
Or shouted “How horrid!”
That would have served, for the nonce!

Instead, that dreadfully put upon man
Tweeted a cartoon to the well wishers who should have been banned!
#YouKnowWhatImSayin was his remark
And those who were angry were sure it was dark
After all, he’s constantly dissing his fans.

Yes, he’s harsh with admirers, all those letters he wrote
The Stage Door, the autographs, despite the hoarse throat!
He didn’t mean it when he suggested the AA wear beards
Anyone who thinks so must just be weird!
The chance that he enjoys jokes, is all too remote.

No, he was enraged as he retweeted being called a dork
He can’t ever stand beard jokes, nevermind the pork
Not a chance he’d find humor
That’s just a rumor
No, RA was clearly quite torqued.

I think that someone should take down some names
And flag this monstrosity, send them down in flames!
Poor Richard Armitage, besieged all day with tweets
(He hasn’t the common sense to silence notification beeps)
And nobody, ever, should engage in these games.

To think these things funny, when they clearly broke rules
Why, someone must chastise these bearded lady fools!
Luckily for everyone so shamefully caught
Tweeting beard pics to Richard will be rightfully taught
There’s decorum to be followed, that’s why fandoms have schools!

If anyone reading this can’t tell a spoof
Or the satirical tone was not enough proof:
I loved Saturday and I thought it was fun
I assume Richard is NOT on the run
Let me assure you, I’m playing the goof! =)

Limerick: The Armitage Affliction

Preoccupied with Armitage, but how does that happen?
Neck deep in a fandom, I’d never imagined
I was never the type
To follow the hype
But my Richard problem has yet to slacken.

On facebook and forums, blogs and webpages
Are countless admirers of all cultures and ages
Since few are harsh critics
I composed more RA limericks
To explain my Affliction in stages!

Six months ago, I was a normal wife
I’d not yet discovered the Richarding life
My downfall was fast
I fear it will last
But the pleasures it’s brought me are rife.

It began with an extended Pride and Prejudice kick
With Colin, and Matthew, and LB Diaries clicks
When I finished all these
I googled “If you liked P&P”
And saw a BBC drama that might do the trick.

With the Netflix app on my little phone screen
I was soon comfortably watching, my interest keen
Period drama from the BBC
On par with Persuasion or Downton Abbey
That was before Thornton’s first scene.

Then Margaret marched into Marlborough Mill
I laid eyes on John Thornton, and felt the first chill
With one shout at Stephens
My heart rate was uneven
From then on, it’s all been downhill!

Entranced with that smolder and each eyelid flicker
Lapping up that deep voice, like a fine aged liquor
Flutters and goosebumps when John proposed
And need I mention that long gorgeous nose?
Never has a man in cravat cut such a fine figure!

The train station scene probably sealed my fate
His tender hand such an elegant trait
How many times did I replay that kiss?
I’ve lost count, but I do know this
Its effect has yet to abate!

So off to IMDB I immediately sped
And was shocked to the core the moment I read
I’d spent 6 hours or more
Watching RA as a dwarf
But his allure went right over my head!

The next thing I did, after several replays
Was check Wikipedia without delay
Is Armitage married, who is his girlfriend?
Found out he was single, but there details end
And I discovered much more that day.

Pretty soon I was over at Richard Armitage Central
All the time wondering if I had gone mental
I stumbled onto his letters
Which hooked me forever
With charm and humility so gentle.

On Netflix I watched Harry, Lucas and Guy
Bought a new DVD player and a stack pretty high
Of just about everything RA ever did
All the while watching hot YouTube vids
Bemused to find myself so damn mesmerized!

I lurked for 2 months, and knew I wasn’t alone
Though among real life acquaintances, RA was not known
Before long I joined two separate forums
Where constant RA discussion is normal decorum
And I quickly found myself feeling right at home.

Heard about The Crucible, and I began to conspire
Just a quick trip to London before my one chance expired
How could I resist such artistry in action?
On stage, in the flesh, with no shirt- what distRAction!
So I approached the husband, which made me perspire…

Right about then, Hubby knew it was bad
Had his sensible wife gone stark-raving mad?
Yes, he’d watched Thorin, Thornton and Porter
But when did his wife become this fanatical supporter?
He neither wanted to go, nor wanted me sad.

So with Hubby’s blessing, the planning commenced
And Mom jumped on board, so easily convinced
That a trip to see Richard perform in a play
Should be marked on her calendar without delay
But any more than three viewings, she was strongly against!

Meanwhile, Richard Armitage got a wild hair
He up and joined Twitter and soon I, too, was there!
Even prior to joining
I spent each night enjoying
Pics and tweets from the Stage Door affair.

I never imagined, at the start of the summer
He’d do Stage Door ‘til the end, which was a bit of a bummer.
To my growing delight
He showed up each night
His endurance an ongoing wonder!

As for The Crucible at The Old Vic
John Proctor’s performance made me heartsick
What more can be said?
My soul John did shred…
Then minutes later we posed for a pic!

When I returned home from London, a blog I did start
As my Armitage Affliction is still off the charts
Before long I might make my own YouTube vids
In between doctoring animals, and raising the kids
As I wonder if and when Richard will relinquish my heart.

P.S. If you’ve read to the end, and enjoyed these rhymes
May I suggest the RAC forum for more good times
The limericks there are not to be missed
They cover each RA character, right down the list
And are one more addiction of mine!