I finally saw the extended edition of The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug last night at the local theatre. This was after a major FAIL on my part Tuesday evening. You see, I’d somehow gotten the dates mixed up, though how this happened I’m still not really sure. For some reason, I believed these showings, in a limited number of theatres in the U.S., might be pretty popular, and so I bought my tickets in advance. Boy, was I wrong about that… very low turn-out, with only a handful in attendance at both AUJ and DOS in our local theatre. Anyway, I’d been online a couple of weeks ago and clicked on each of the movies and purchased the tickets. Somehow, I either clicked on the wrong thing, though that seems unlikely because I was on the DOS page when I clicked “Purchase Tickets”, or the website had a glitch, but in either case I wound up with an e-ticket to something called “RiffTrax Live: Miami Connection”… though I didn’t *actually look closely enough* at the ticket to notice that words like “Hobbit” or “Desolation” or “Smaug” weren’t there. Nor did I notice the words “Miami” or “Connection” that were there. No… I just saw the date and time on my e-ticket, and walked right on into the theatre Tuesday night with every confidence that I was in for 3+ hours of Richarding. (I did wonder why they didn’t have Hobbit trivia in the lead-up, but figured they were just changing things up a bit!) I was impressed that the turn-out was better… maybe 15 people compared to the 5 people, myself included, present for AUJ the previous night. Only when 7:30pm came around and the Rock Concert started did I realize I was NOT at Desolation of Smaug, so I checked my ticket to confirm I’d not gone to the wrong auditorium, and that’s when I saw that the ticket did indeed say “Miami Connection”… I believe I blurted “Well, Fuckaduck” (my go-to swearing phrase, always)… and walked out.
No biggie! Just had to go through the slightly humiliating routine of exchanging the ticket at the counter. (“No, I don’t know what concert that is, but I meant to be watching The Hobbit. Is it on tonight? No? Ah… no, I don’t want to refund the credit card. Can I just exchange for a ticket for Desolation of Smaug, whenever that is? Tomorrow night? OK! And… ah… can you confirm when the Battle of Five Armies is to be shown, while we’re at it? Oh, thank you. Ah… yes, I am. I am. Big Hobbit fan!”) Thinking to myself… Dammit, Richard! Then I had to do my mea culpa routine with Hubby, explaining that the 3 nights of “solo” daddy duties he’d graciously agreed to had just turned into 4. Hubby, as usual, was pretty laid back about the whole thing. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve turned up somewhere on the wrong date. In fact, after commenting that for the first time in years, I hadn’t botched his birthday last week (I always, always, ALWAYS think it’s the following day), he merely said “No worries… but sorry your Richarding was so sadly thwarted.”
Yes, well… so after my abortive attempt on Tuesday night, I made it to the theatre again last night, and was profoundly relieved when the Hobbit trivia began to roll. DOS was my least favorite of the 3 movies, but I did enjoy it. I think one of the funniest lines and deliveries of the entire trilogy is during the Bilbo-Smaug confrontation, though it wasn’t new to me:
Bilbo: L-Luck-Wearer… R-Riddle-Maker…
Smaug: Lovely titles… Go on.
Smaug: Barrels! Now that is interesting!
As far as new material, I guess the most interesting and exciting part for me was the inclusion of Thrain in Dol Guldur. I’d always felt that something was missing, that they’d presented this mystery of what happened to Thorin’s father, then just left it dangling, and that had always bothered me. So it was nice to have that closure. I also enjoyed seeing the extended version of Thorin in “Druggie Mode” in Mirkwood Forest- very comical. Made me wonder what experiences in his own life Richard Armitage may have drawn from to portray the dazed and confused… and okay, I just liked his slumberous eyes. A Lot. =)
But my adventures weren’t over… I’m sad to say that during the first half of the movie, all of 2 people were in the theatre. Me, and one younger guy. I was quite happy with this situation. We rubbed along quite well together, he several rows forward and politely watching while making no disturbances. Me, seated in the back row so I could drink my smuggled-in drink without any raised eyebrows. Then, about halfway through the movie, a third person entered the theatre with a package of candy-covered popcorn and a few other snacks as well. The late-comer sat down in my row, and not even on the aisle, but just a couple seats down from me, and he was rather disruptive with all his rustling and chewing. I mean… come on! An entire theatre of empty seats, and he had to plunk down right next to me with all his candy!?
At the end of the movie, he leaned over and said “That was good! Are they showing the next one?” To which I politely responded, “Yes, next week sometime,” thinking to myself that I was really the last person anyone ought to ask, after Tuesday night’s debacle. He was a slightly disheveled older gentleman, I noticed. “Oh, great! Hey… have you ever tried this candy popcorn? It tastes just like Reese’s Pieces!” When I stood to gather my stuff and told him I’d not tried that, he offered the bag, but I was fairly certain that even if I wasn’t on a diet, I wasn’t going to share an open bag of sticky popcorn when a stranger’s hands had been noisily grubbing around in it for the past hour. I thanked him and politely declined, and the younger guy walked past and winked at me. I smiled. Then the kicker… “Hey! If I give you my phone number, will you call and remind me next week when that next movie is showing?”
I sort of gaped at him for a moment, and I distinctly heard the younger guy muffle a laugh behind me.
“Um… I…. No, no I don’t think so.” (Even if I wanted to, I could never be counted upon!)
“I’m just terrible at remembering things!” (My soul-mate, clearly!)
“Could you… ah… write yourself a note?” (I was grasping at straws!)
“I’d rather have a call!” (He looks at me quite hopefully!)
“I’m sorry. I don’t… generally…. call people. And I’m married!” (He looks crestfallen.)
“OH! Oh, yeah, that might seem odd to your husband.” (You think?)
“Right. Well… ah… have a nice evening!” (I’m on the move now, wondering if I should have thought to bring pepper spray.)
“I think I’ll ask the lady at the concession stand to call me!” (Right… great idea!)
“Okay… well… good luck!” (I bee-lined for the ladies restroom!)
Like I said… Dammit, Richard!