My Adventures At The Theatre: EE Desolation Of Smaug

DOS

Richard Armitage. Thorin Oakenshield, dazed and confused. The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

I finally saw the extended edition of The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug last night at the local theatre. This was after a major FAIL on my part Tuesday evening. You see, I’d somehow gotten the dates mixed up, though how this happened I’m still not really sure. For some reason, I believed these showings, in a limited number of theatres in the U.S., might be pretty popular, and so I bought my tickets in advance. Boy, was I wrong about that… very low turn-out, with only a handful in attendance at both AUJ and DOS in our local theatre. Anyway, I’d been online a couple of weeks ago and clicked on each of the movies and purchased the tickets. Somehow, I either clicked on the wrong thing, though that seems unlikely because I was on the DOS page when I clicked “Purchase Tickets”, or the website had a glitch, but in either case I wound up with an e-ticket to something called “RiffTrax Live: Miami Connection”… though I didn’t *actually look closely enough* at the ticket to notice that words like “Hobbit” or “Desolation” or “Smaug” weren’t there. Nor did I notice the words “Miami” or “Connection” that were there. No… I just saw the date and time on my e-ticket, and walked right on into the theatre Tuesday night with every confidence that I was in for 3+ hours of Richarding. (I did wonder why they didn’t have Hobbit trivia in the lead-up, but figured they were just changing things up a bit!) I was impressed that the turn-out was better… maybe 15 people compared to the 5 people, myself included, present for AUJ the previous night. Only when 7:30pm came around and the Rock Concert started did I realize I was NOT at Desolation of Smaug, so I checked my ticket to confirm I’d not gone to the wrong auditorium, and that’s when I saw that the ticket did indeed say “Miami Connection”… I believe I blurted “Well, Fuckaduck” (my go-to swearing phrase, always)… and walked out.

No biggie! Just had to go through the slightly humiliating routine of exchanging the ticket at the counter. (“No, I don’t know what concert that is, but I meant to be watching The Hobbit. Is it on tonight? No? Ah… no, I don’t want to refund the credit card. Can I just exchange for a ticket for Desolation of Smaug, whenever that is? Tomorrow night? OK! And… ah… can you confirm when the Battle of Five Armies is to be shown, while we’re at it? Oh, thank you. Ah… yes, I am. I am. Big Hobbit fan!”) Thinking to myself… Dammit, Richard! Then I had to do my mea culpa routine with Hubby, explaining that the 3 nights of “solo” daddy duties he’d graciously agreed to had just turned into 4. Hubby, as usual, was pretty laid back about the whole thing. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve turned up somewhere on the wrong date. In fact, after commenting that for the first time in years, I hadn’t botched his birthday last week (I always, always, ALWAYS think it’s the following day), he merely said “No worries… but sorry your Richarding was so sadly thwarted.”

Yes, well… so after my abortive attempt on Tuesday night, I made it to the theatre again last night, and was profoundly relieved when the Hobbit trivia began to roll. DOS was my least favorite of the 3 movies, but I did enjoy it. I think one of the funniest lines and deliveries of the entire trilogy is during the Bilbo-Smaug confrontation, though it wasn’t new to me:

Bilbo: L-Luck-Wearer… R-Riddle-Maker…

Smaug:  Lovely titles… Go on.

Bilbo: Barrel-Rider!

Smaug: Barrels! Now that is interesting!

 

As far as new material, I guess the most interesting and exciting part for me was the inclusion of Thrain in Dol Guldur. I’d always felt that something was missing, that they’d presented this mystery of what happened to Thorin’s father, then just left it dangling, and that had always bothered me. So it was nice to have that closure. I also enjoyed seeing the extended version of Thorin in “Druggie Mode” in Mirkwood Forest- very comical. Made me wonder what experiences in his own life Richard Armitage may have drawn from to portray the dazed and confused… and okay, I just liked his slumberous eyes. A Lot. =)

But my adventures weren’t over… I’m sad to say that during the first half of the movie, all of 2 people were in the theatre. Me, and one younger guy. I was quite happy with this situation. We rubbed along quite well together, he several rows forward and politely watching while making no disturbances. Me, seated in the back row so I could drink my smuggled-in drink without any raised eyebrows. Then, about halfway through the movie, a third person entered the theatre with a package of candy-covered popcorn and a few other snacks as well. The late-comer sat down in my row, and not even on the aisle, but just a couple seats down from me, and he was rather disruptive with all his rustling and chewing. I mean… come on! An entire theatre of empty seats, and he had to plunk down right next to me with all his candy!?

At the end of the movie, he leaned over and said “That was good! Are they showing the next one?” To which I politely responded, “Yes, next week sometime,” thinking to myself that I was really the last person anyone ought to ask, after Tuesday night’s debacle. He was a slightly disheveled older gentleman, I noticed. “Oh, great! Hey… have you ever tried this candy popcorn? It tastes just like Reese’s Pieces!” When I stood to gather my stuff and told him I’d not tried that, he offered the bag, but I was fairly certain that even if I wasn’t on a diet, I wasn’t going to share an open bag of sticky popcorn when a stranger’s hands had been noisily grubbing around in it for the past hour. I thanked him and politely declined, and the younger guy walked past and winked at me. I smiled. Then the kicker… “Hey! If I give you my phone number, will you call and remind me next week when that next movie is showing?”

I sort of gaped at him for a moment, and I distinctly heard the younger guy muffle a laugh behind me.

“Um… I…. No, no I don’t think so.” (Even if I wanted to, I could never be counted upon!)

“I’m just terrible at remembering things!” (My soul-mate, clearly!)

“Could you… ah… write yourself a note?” (I was grasping at straws!)

“I’d rather have a call!” (He looks at me quite hopefully!)

“I’m sorry. I don’t… generally…. call people. And I’m married!” (He looks crestfallen.)

“OH! Oh, yeah, that might seem odd to your husband.” (You think?)

“Right. Well… ah… have a nice evening!” (I’m on the move now, wondering if I should have thought to bring pepper spray.)

“I think I’ll ask the lady at the concession stand to call me!” (Right… great idea!)

“Okay… well… good luck!” (I bee-lined for the ladies restroom!)

Like I said… Dammit, Richard!

 

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24 comments

  1. KellyDS · October 8, 2015

    winks from younger men, requests for your digits from older men; you go girl!

    Like

  2. Guylty · October 8, 2015

    Lol, well, you might be happily reunited with your admirer next week.
    Thanks for this entertaining read of your unexpected journey to the desolates cinema. Private screening, almost. Hope next week will come to pass without any disturbances!!

    Like

    • jholland · October 8, 2015

      If that comes to pass, I think I’ll ask if I can sit with Mr. Younger Guy. He, at least, watches quietly. LOL!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. AnotherRAFan · October 8, 2015

    Your blog should come with a warning ” Giggle inducing – Please open at your own risk. NSFW “.
    I always end up reading this at office and am pretty sure the guy sitting next to my office thinks I’m insane. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • jholland · October 8, 2015

      Whoops! LOL- well, for future reference, if the title starts with “My Adventures” it’s probably NSFW. My adventures are generally a comedy of errors…. but glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  4. Hariclea · October 8, 2015

    LOL….. the stuff that happens to you…. but yay to the younger one, i like people who are there for the movie rather than the food 😉
    But poor chap… maybe he hadn’t seen them before, at least he liked them, but really to sit in an nearly empty cinema so close is a bit weird…
    I feel sad for so few people seeing it…. it doesn’t bode well for them doing more screenings.. if they were waiting to see what was happening in the US to decide if they give the rest of us the opportunity this has killed my hope 😦 really sad sigh,…
    Slumberous Thorin has his charms 🙂 like a sleepy tiger of sorts 🙂
    And your hubs is sweet!
    Oh… how i wish for teleportation to be able to come along to the cinema, promise i wouldn’t even be munching on anything…

    Like

    • jholland · October 8, 2015

      LOL! Well, if you can work out your teleportation technique before next week, I’d LOVE you to come along and sit with me! Maybe my friendly candy-corn man can have a go at you! (That came out sounding quite wrong, didn’t it?!) Lol. But seriously, I have hopes that maybe the EE of BOFA will draw a larger audience as it’s not been released yet! We shall see. And if it does well, maybe they’ll consider a cinema release overseas…

      And yes! That older gentleman was most certainly a bit of an odd duck… (says the Richard-obsessed lady who turns up at the theatre 3 nights in a row)…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. sparkhouse1 · October 8, 2015

    Gee, I gotta get out more! Maybe I’ll get that lucky, popcorn guy seems pretty charming!

    Like

    • jholland · October 8, 2015

      Could be he’s the one destined to sweep you off your feet! And he’s certainly not a bit selfish when it comes to sharing delicious snack foods. LOL!

      Like

  6. linnetmoss · October 9, 2015

    LOL. Friendly candy-corn man has got a line I’ve never heard before 🙂 Quite original to ask women to call HIM instead of the other way around…

    Like

    • jholland · October 9, 2015

      LOL… this is true! Poor man hasn’t a chance taking this tack with me… I’m one of those phone-phobic people. Calling him is literally the LAST thing I’d ever do! =)

      Liked by 1 person

      • linnetmoss · October 9, 2015

        That’s funny–I am very phone-phobic too. I hate talking on the phone. But I think we are a rare breed.

        Like

        • jholland · October 9, 2015

          My list is very short on people I will call just to talk to. (Clients don’t count… I’ll call them as needed, but it’s not much more pleasant a task than expressing a dog’s anal glands, TBH!)

          Liked by 1 person

        • linnetmoss · October 9, 2015

          Hahaha! Feline anal glands are not much fun either. I remember taking our cat Billy to have his glands expressed. The vet squeezed him and it splattered all over her glasses! (Good thing she had eye protection…)

          Like

  7. Esther · October 10, 2015

    Ah, what an adventure! And still popular with the men, so it’s not all bad… 😉

    Like

    • jholland · October 10, 2015

      LOL… well, true… though to be fair, I was sort of their only option. =)

      Like

  8. Servetus · October 11, 2015

    Thanks actually for pointing out that one should check one’s dates. I have a ticket for BOTFA and I was thinking it was Weds but actually it’s Tues! You saved me!

    I loved the extended Mirkwood scene, but felt like it was too long. Armitage was actually asked about that scene and he said that the dwarves were behaving like they were smoking “naughty grass” but that he had never done anything like that. (We can decide on our own whether we believe that.)

    I really enjoyed DOS in the regular theater cut — but I’m back to not knowing which one my favorite is again, I think. I don’t think the EE version is better in this case (as it was in the case of AUJ).

    Can’t wait for Tuesday. TUES. DAY. Lol.

    Like

    • jholland · October 12, 2015

      Whew! Close call… oh how that would have sucked to arrive a day late rather than a day early, which was inconvenient but not devastating… especially for the last one since we haven’t seen the EE yet. If he says he never smoked naughty grass, fine… but I’d lay odds he’s been around it. He definitely observed it well enough to give a great impression of it! Loved those eyes of his in the EE scene.

      Like

      • Servetus · October 17, 2015

        My gut reaction to this has been: he was a young man in London in the 90s working in the entertainment industry. He would have been surrounded by the club scene and people who participated in it to some extent or other. Based on the kind of the music he’s said he likes to listen to, it seems likely that he’s been around people who have used rave drugs of one kind or another. Whether he actually imbibed is another question; who knows. If he hasn’t, then he’s a more rigid personality than I have typically imagined him being. I’m guessing that if he has, however, it wasn’t extensive; he seems too driven / ambitious, and alcohol is a comparatively safe drug of choice in comparison (not least legally). He said at one point that he never called in sick when he was working in musicals.

        Like

        • jholland · October 18, 2015

          Well, certainly he has fantastic discipline. Didn’t he swear off even alcohol during The Crucible run? It wouldn’t surprise me if he “just said no”. I happen to know someone who quite rigidly refused to ever so much as smoke a joint, but is still a generally laid back, funny and nonjudgemental person. (That would be my Hubster!) I’m quite the little former delinquent in his eyes, but he derives a lot of enjoyment teasing me about it. =)

          Like

        • Servetus · October 18, 2015

          I’ve never smoked a joint or even one cigarette, so it’s not per se that I think that that choice makes one a rigid personality. In my case it was a combination of severe indoctrination (hyperreligious childhood, growing up in the Reagan years, and being in choir and band for that entire time) and the fact that I was never around people who smoked or took any kind of illegal drug. I think it might have been different if I’d been surrounded by people who hadn’t seen things quite so strictly.

          Like

        • Servetus · October 18, 2015

          i.e., I think peer pressure is a real thing and/but I was never exposed to it. Whereas I suspect that Armitage would have been.

          Like

  9. Pingback: Recovery In Progress: BOFA EE | preoccupiedwitharmitage

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