Every morning our routine is as follows: Hubby rousts the kids and oversees them getting dressed, then sends them into the bathroom where I’m usually finishing up my hair and makeup. I then de-tangle and style Little Sister’s hair while both kids suck on toothpaste.
That’s right. They will gladly and exuberantly apply tasty kid-flavored bubblegum toothpaste to their toothbrushes, then half-heartedly brush teeth for about 10 seconds, then zone out and sort of suck on their toothbrushes while I remind, cajole, tease and/or sharply bark orders to “BRUSH Teeth”… which they will do for a few more seconds then return to enjoying the bubblegum flavor.
At some point last week, I called their Daddy in and told him to get out his phone and add “yucky flavored kid toothpaste” to our shared groceries app. Hubby dutifully pulled out his phone and started pecking on it, murmuring “hmmm… how about spinach flavor?” Over the simultaneous shocked gasps, I agreed that spinach-flavored toothpaste would surely be something they’d have to brush, and brush fast, and never suck on for long. Poor Little Sister’s eyes welled up with tears as she quickly resumed brushing, and such a look of horrified, tragic woe was on her little face that Hubby and I immediately felt almost bad about the urge we experienced to die laughing. My Young Love, on the other hand, reddened, wrinkled his nose and glared daggers at us as he, too, began to brush furiously. When his 2 minutes of dentist-recommended tooth brushing time was over, he spat into the sink with all the disgust he could muster, and I’m quite sure he entertained visions of spitting at our feet if he could have gotten away with it.
However, the threat of spinach toothpaste WAS quite effective for several days, then the brushing became lackadaisical again this morning. I decided to remind my
little slackers children that spinach toothpaste was on the horizon for kids who suck on toothpaste without brushing, and that’s when my Young Love set me straight.
“Don’t believe her, Sissy. There’s NO SUCH THING as spinach toothpaste!”
“What do you mean there’s no such thing? How would you know?” I responded, suppressing a grin.
“It’s obvious. I typed in ‘spinach toothpaste’ and did you know what I found, Sissy? Nothing. There’s no spinach toothpaste on the computer, so there won’t be any spinach toothpaste, anywhere! Ever! Mommy is full of it!”
“You… could spell spinach?”
“Well, I can now!”
Busted. I guess it’s back to the drawing board.